


it's all fun and games until someone breaks a jar of cookies

by orphan_account



Series: Sapphic Satanists [1]
Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018), Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018) RPF
Genre: Being Walked In On, F/F, Seduction, Smut, poor ambrose
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-07 01:18:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16844248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: this one is just half-assed smut with a crack ending. Lilith is horny, Zelda is annoyed, Hilda is having fun and Ambrose and Sabrina are traumatized.





	it's all fun and games until someone breaks a jar of cookies

Lilith was hungry.

She had tried everything: pizza boys, principals, dog walkers, lawyers, catholic priests… nothing seemed to cease her needs, nothing satisfied her. Concentrating on the Dark Lord’s task had proven to be more and more difficult as time went by and her lower stomach felt heavier and heavier with each passing day. 

“Madam should detox” She heard her familiar’s voice inside her head and looked at the crow on her window from her office desk, where she sat fanning herself with a piece of paper. this mortal’s body heat was incredibly high right now. “maybe try a potion”

\- I’ve tried potions, remember? – She sat back, placing her feet on the table and closing her eyes – Ugh! Nothing works!

“well…maybe try a woman, madam”

Lilith’s eyes snapped open, she sat down straight again – How dare you, I’d never feast on female flesh! Don’t insult me! I respect my own kind too much for that.

The crow flew from the window to her desk, looking her right in the eye “I’m not saying you should devour one, I’m saying you should use one for human pleasures, madam”

-Oh – She reflected. Maybe that was really it. Of course, men didn’t satisfy her… and because she had been using this vessel for months now, Lilith had started to intensely feel human needs. It wasn’t the first time she had felt human lust, of course but it had been so long since she had felt it this intensely Lilith didn’t even recognize the feeling. Demon lust was about manipulation but human lust… that was about power. animalistic needs. Fascinating, really. Annoying, but fascinating. – You’re right, darling, I should. Not a mortal, though, I want a witch.

“With all due respect, Lilith, I’m sure you know who you want already”

The mother of demons smiled. She knew, but that was going to be complicated. Lilith was not sure what attracted her to that witch so much… maybe it was the pure strength she could feel emanating from her, maybe it was her looks, maybe it was the fact that she’d greatly enjoy tearing down all the redhead’s walls just to see her lose her precious composure for a moment

– She hates my guts. I mean, Mary Wardwell’s guts, she prays to me a lot, but still. I don’t need that bureaucracy, I want something simple – that was a lie. The Mother of Demons was a slut for a challenge. Literally.

“I’m not sure she hates you.”

\- I can literally see annoyance pouring out of her every time I’m near…. unless…

Suddenly everything was under a new light. Zelda’s lingering looks she had always taken for an act of surveillance… the way the witch’s face got red in annoyance when Lilith used her “innocent” whispering voice to pass as a school teacher … was it surveillance? was it annoyance? She couldn’t help but smirk… she had been so focused on Sabrina and the Dark Lord’s orders she completely missed that her aura was affecting Sabrina’s aunt that much.

“you used to identify that on the spot” her familiar interrupted her inner dialogue.

\- Oh, shut up… I’ve been busy.

“you’re lucky she hasn’t realized her own feelings as well”

\- Zelda Spellman - the demon drank up the name and smiled.

“I’m not sure your aura’s going to be enough on that one”

\- Of course not. She’s not a man! – Lilith sat back again, placing her feet back on the table- They’re always more interesting, you know? The women. Men are fragile, flesh focused beings…easy to seduce. Boring, really. Easy to eat. But women… women require strategy. It’s a battle. Women are the ones I seek for real pleasure.

—-

Zelda opened the door and wasn’t even surprised, just incredibly annoyed to see Sabrina’s teacher standing at her parlor. Tall and pale as always, Mary Wardwell’s trademark red lipstick and high heels were present as usual but the dress she had chosen today was incredibly… inappropriate. Typical. Zelda almost scoffed at the sight of the tight burgundy dress Mary probably sew herself into. Her stomach boiled. Symptoms of total and utter hate, of course, what else?

\- Sabrina’s not home. - Zelda spit out, motioning to close the door

\- I’m always happy to talk about Sabrina… - The other witch started, placing her boot’s heel on the door and stopping Zelda from closing it. – but I was wondering if I could talk to you

Oh, for the love of Satan, what could it possibly be? Zelda studied the situation and although she didn’t trust the woman one bit, her curiosity got the best of her. She didn’t invite the teacher in, just left the open door and turned her back on the unwanted visitor, marching straight to the kitchen. – What do you want? – Zelda heard her voice come out cold. She couldn’t help it.

\- You run a Mortuary, right? – The ginger couldn’t help but roll her eyes, not only because of the stupid question but because of the _voice._ Why couldn’t she speak like a normal person instead of whispering as if she were singing happy birthday to the president?

\- Yes, just as it says on the enormous sign outside.

Zelda kept walking, never looking back at the woman behind her but she heard a small laugh, which she did not appreciate. The witch was not trying to be funny, she was trying to let Mary know her presence was unwanted.

The redhead stopped just before entering the kitchen, immediately turning back to face the witch, she was met with a smile and condescending blue eyes. Infuriating, really. – Well? Can you cut the mortal small talk and please go to the point on what is it that I could _possibly_ do for you? I don’t have all day.

\- Whatever did I do to you for you to hate me this much, Zelda?

Did she think Zelda was a pet she could play with? That her house was a Hotel of some sort? somewhere to pass the time?! How incredibly typical of an excommunicated witch: No responsibility. Rage bubbled up on Zelda’s lower stomach, as she walked closer to the other woman. This had to end.

\- Mrs. Wardwell, I’ll let you know I do not appreciate you frequently showing up to our house uninvited like this. Satan knows my niece’s delusional fixation with you is already irritating enough without you haunting my house like a damn spirit! I don’t trust you, and I don’t want you around my family, so whatever you were planning when you came here you better give up on it.

Mary didn’t seem surprised, in fact, she didn’t look affected at all. Zelda was expecting a gasp, a fake whispery “I’m awfully sorry for the inconvenience” or maybe even some anger. She did not expect a laugh

\- I make you nervous, don’t I, Miss. Spellman? - Mary said in a suddenly deeper and honey-dipped voice that made the redhead’s heart skip a beat.

\- Oh please! nervous?! Get over yourself, will you? You irritate me, like a bug.

Mary slowly walked closer to her, locking their gazes together. Zelda swallowed dry.

\- Oh, but I can see it all in your eyes, dear: apprehension… distrust… curiosity… - She stopped inches away from Zelda, who stood her ground but felt her pulse go up with every word the other said. - …lust…

Zelda didn’t know what to say. In fact, she was not sure she COULD say anything. if anyone asked her name right now it would probably take her a while to answer.

Mary sighed - You know, I admire you Zelda… always taking care of everyone…

the spellman instinctively started to walk backward, but somehow, she never seemed to move away from the brunette.

\- holding everything in place. always _on top_ of everything… must be tiring.

with a loud thump, Zelda’s back hit the wooden kitchen counter and her stomach froze. Mary immediately put her hands on the surface, trapping Zelda between her arms.

\- I… I can manage. - Zelda’s voice came out stronger than she believed it was possible. What in Satan’s name was happening? And Satan’s sake, why was she enjoying this little game so much?

\- Oh, I know you can - Mary gave her a mischievous smile and Zelda couldn’t help but glance at the woman’s red lipstick. The teacher smirked. Shit… of course that half second didn’t go unnoticed. - I’m just saying that maybe you need to relax a little.

Slowly, Mary’s hand found her way to one of the Spellman’s perfect red curls sending what felt like an electric impulse down Zelda’s neck.

A part of her brain just wanted to give up. something about the witch… her scent, her voice, her eyes… it was all just… magnetic…and infuriating, might she add. If she was any weaker of a witch, she would’ve crashed their lips together already… but oh no. Zelda Spellman was not going to be that easy. Especially for this annoyingly infuriating woman.

As soon as Mary’s hand touched her jawline Zelda grabbed the woman’s wrist to stop her - I don’t know who you think you are or what do you think you’re doing here, Mrs. Wardwell, but you’re certainly out of line here.

Lilith smiled, impressed. No one had resisted this much in centuries, the demon thought

\- I knew you were going to be a tough one to crack.

\- I beg your pardon?

Mary’s wrist was still in Zelda’s grip but that didn’t stop the witch from suddenly inching closer, faintly brushing her lips against the ginger’s.

-I’m just saying... - Zelda’s eyes closed and her entire body melted when she felt the woman’s hot breath against her mouth

\- It would be my pleasure- Mary freed her arm from the witch’s now weak hold and placed her hand on Zelda’s thigh, getting a soft gasp out of the woman. the cold fingers contacted her boiling hot skin, making their way up Zelda’s thigh and slowly lifting her dress with them. The teacher put both her hands on Zelda to lift her up and the ginger was thankful to sit on the counter… she was sure she was not going to be able to stand by herself in a few moments

\- to help you… - The electric currents on her body were too much, Zelda’s body temperature was alarmingly high, and she could feel her undergarments getting damper by the second. Her dress was already up around her hips and Mary reached the hem of her underwear, wrapping her finger around the elastic strap, pulling it and releasing it with a SNAP whispering a spell and making the soaked fabric disappear completely

\- relax.

As soon as the demon slid her cold fingers inside of her, Zelda launched herself forward crashing her lips against Mary’s. She would not give the teacher the pleasure of hearing her moans… nor give Ambrose any reason to suddenly come down his room to investigate the noise…. or so she thought

Mary’s movements were rhythmic but somehow surprising every time, hitting all her spots. Their kiss was rough, passionate and most of all: delicious. Mary’s mouth was… spicy? no, bitter. sour. sweet? nevertheless, it was the best thing Zelda had ever tasted.

Her legs were now completely wrapped around the teacher’s waist. Zelda couldn’t keep from moaning into her lover’s mouth and grinding back into her hand. She felt a rush of cold air and realized Mary had magically removed most of her clothes, leaving her only with her heels and top lingerie.

She grabbed the woman’s wrist, making her stop and hearing the brunette sigh loudly

-you’re impossible

\- you’re wearing too much - The redhead breathed out.

the other witch laughed and steadily started to move her fingers in and out of the witch again

\- patience, Zelda…I’m the one helping you relax, remember?

\- Oh fuck… - Zelda whimpered against Mary’s cold fingers, and Lilith’s stomach sank when she heard her lover curse. 

-Zelda Spellman! -Mary laughed - Language, dear!

The ginger rolled her eyes in annoyance (or was it in pleasure?) - For Satan's sake shut up and fuck me! - She captured Mary's neck, sucking on her spicy skin to try and muffle her pleads. The brunette let out a rough breath and Zelda felt it shake her core, failing to be quiet

clenching around the brunette Zelda couldn't help but screech - Oh OH OH 

... 

\- Zelds I was wondering if you could help us with- OH SATAN!

The scream was followed by the sound of shattering glass and immediately Zelda’s eyes flashed open. Her muscles, quicker than her brain, shoved Mary Wardrell away against the kitchen table, where the witch landed with a loud oof and it was like the fog in her brain had cleared up.

\- HILDA! WHAT IN SATAN’S NAME ARE YOU DOING HERE?

Her sister stood by the kitchen entrance around the cracked glass jar she had been holding, cookies spread everywhere on the floor. Her sister had both hands covering her eyes and Ambrose, who stood behind Hilda, quickly turned around to the wall so he wouldn’t see his aunt naked.

With a flick of Mary’s wrist, Zelda was clothed again, the demon didn’t fix her red lipstick smeared all over the other woman’s face, but Zelda didn’t have to know that… she didn’t give her panties back either, but the ginger was too nervous to notice

\- I… thought you were at the bookshop! – Zelda’s face was boiling in shame.

\- I was! But we have to decorate some cookies for Halloween and I thought it would be nice for us to do it all together I’m SORRY! – Hilda was still covering her eyes, the ginger rolled hers.

\- Oh, for Satan’s sake you can look now. – Hilda slowly looked at the two witches and Ambrose reluctantly turned around.

Sex was never a taboo, of course, no self-respecting witch or warlock from the church of night would ever be ashamed of pleasure, and with any gender, really. Your sister and your nephew walking in on you having sex on the kitchen counter with your niece’s teacher? The woman you were so eager to tell everyone you hated profoundly? An excommunicated witch? That was a disaster. Especially for Zelda.

A soft innocent whisper broke the silence

\- I’m awfully sorry for the inconvenience – for some reason, Mary Wardwell didn’t look disheveled at all. Her perfect hair was still in place. Her makeup was not smeared. Zelda puffed. how infuriating.

\- Yes, I believe it’s best. – She said, unable to look at anyone and fixing an imaginary fold on her dress. Hilda and Ambrose kept quiet, watching the two. Zelda could feel Hilda getting excited at her nervousness… she’d never hear the damn end of this.

Zelda lifted her gaze just a little and her eyes met Mary Wardwell’s. The witch winked as a promise and then she was gone, just like that. and the atmosphere changed as soon as they heard the door.

\- Zelda, I COOK there! – Hilda whined

\- I don’t think I’ve ever been this traumatized

Zelda just collapsed on the chair, exhausted from the whole situation and frustrated from being denied release – Will you two shut up, I need a moment.

\- Aunties, I’m home!

Zelda’s face went pale. She looked at the pair standing in front of her and her voice was dead serious:

– Not. One. Word.

Hilda immediately went to the fridge and pretended to be busy by serving herself some orange juice and Ambrose quickly sat down and grabbed the nearest book just as Sabrina happily waltzed into the kitchen.

\- Hey guys, you know the weirdest thing just happened: I just ran into Miss. Wardwell outside and she didn’t even talk to me she just left in a hurry? Is everything okay?

Zelda took a deep breath, sat down and smiled, but before she could say anything Ambrose’s half-mocking voice came faster

\- I’m guessing she already ate. – He said and the sounds of Hilda choking on her juice followed

\- AMBROSE THOSE ARE WORDS. – Zelda warned

\- What… What’s that on your face Aunt Z?

Zelda instinctively reached for her own mouth cleaning it up. oh, my lucifer, could this get any worse? – It’s nothing, Sabrina – Zelda grabbed her cigarette clipper and lit one up, hands still shaking.

The blonde teenager looked deeply at her aunt, then at Ambrose who put his hands up trying not to get asked anything. Sabrina looked at Hilda, and the short woman seemed to be having an extreme amount of fun with that awkward situation.

\- Can someone please tell me what’s happening right now?!

Zelda sighed and got up. She was not going to tell sabrina but she didn’t need to hear her sister doing it. Walking towards the stairs she closed her eyes when she heard a scream.

\- THEY WERE WHAT?

...

This was going to be a long week.

**Author's Note:**

> may do a follow up, leave a comment if you liked it or smth idk


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